Random Acts of Blindness and Epiphany

Just rambling.....

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Move

So, I just realized that I never posted that I was moving the blog...crap.

The new blog address is http://breaaire.wordpress.com/

If anyone wants to follow the bouncing ball over there, you're more than welcome!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Meditation and Motivation

I spent some time contemplating meditation today.  Not actually meditating, mind you, just contemplating it.  What exactly is it?  And why do I need it?  And how do I get to this Zen state when I live in the State of Chaos?  And where do I find the time for it? (see said "state of chaos")

The books tell me that meditation is a state of altered consciousness.  It's a higher state of being in the brain, where you can contact your superego, or spiritual self, and learn things about yourself that you don't get to experience everyday.  It's also supposed to be a way to contact Deity directly.  A way to "plug in" to the Akashic records, or all-knowing, library of consciousness that spans every living thing on the planet.

Wow, that's a lot to absorb.  Do I want to "plug in" to that?  Do I want to lay myself that wide open?  That's a very vulnerable place to be, splayed open for everyone else that plugs into those same records.  That's a lot of trust, hmmm, perfect trust, to be exact.  OK, so I know that I'm supposed to have perfect love and perfect trust.  And I know that the gods will protect me in my vulnerable state.  And yes, I do generally meditate in a sacred circle, just for my own sense of well-being.  So, plugging in isn't dangerous.  And it can be exhilarating.  Opening yourself up to that much information is quite a rush!  (Don't worry, you can't fry your little kitty brains here... you only absorb what you can handle in each visit)

Now I thought about "why" I need it.  Do I really need it?  Is it something that makes my life richer, more satisfying, more enlightened?  Well, I suppose that being plugged directly into the heart and brain of Mother Earth could be seen as nourishing... well, duh.  Getting into contact with the deeper parts of yourself, learning more about why you are the way you are, and how you can change the flaws, and enhance the virtues... yeah, that could be very enlightening and beneficial. 

And no, there's no bolt of lightning every time I close my eyes and breathe deep.  It's a process, one that takes practice, and study, just like everything else.  I don't "get it right" every time.  Sometimes it's just a few quiet moments that I get to spend inside my own head, listening to the music I keep there, or wandering in my dream forest, staring at the way the light falls through the leaves overhead.  Sometimes it's just an escape from the franticness of conscious thought.  A vacation inside my head.

So, yeah, I guess it can be very satisfying. 

So how do you get there? 

It's not a tangible place, obviously, cause it's inside my head.  And this part of the equation hung me up for a while.  It took me a long time to come up with a way to successfully meditate.  It's not something that ever came naturally for me.  I have these "control" issues, see, and I have real problems with letting go of control of where my mind takes me.  But once I realized that I am in control, I was able to able to take my own hand, and lead myself down the path to the nice place.

It all starts with the breathing.  And it's not about counting breaths, or about listening to the wooshing sound it makes as you blow it out.  It's about using your whole body to take in oxygen, and expel carbon dioxide.  Take in the good, the light... and let out the bad, the darkness...  One woman that I read about recently said that she figured it out from watching her baby breathe.  How he used his whole body just to inhale and exhale.  Totally relaxed and totally Zen. 

Then you start to build yourself a safe haven, a comfy room, or glade, or cave, whatever says "safe" to you.  Mine is a gated garden, complete with a pond that feeds out into a sea, trees, and a greek-looking pavilion that contains a zillion pillows to lounge and read whatever I can get my hands on.  I have a very vivid imagination, and keep adding to this wonderful vacation spot.  Animals, fish, birds, occasionally I see people in the distance, wandering here and there in my library.  It's very calm, quiet and comfortable.  It speaks to me throughout the day, beckoning.

And I find the time to visit.  It may not be every day, but it's often.  For once you have a place like this, you want to be there.  It lures you away from everyday life, into a safe place, a warm place, where there's no pain, no trouble, and you get to be totally yourself, whoever that is. 

Of course, many would think, "this is bad!  You can't run away from your problems, and if this is such a nice place, why would you ever want to leave?"  Well, no, you can't run away from your problems, but this is a way to step away for a moment, get a clearer view of it, without being so emotionally attached to it.  And you can find answers to the problems here.  Not all the time, but if you search, and ask for aid from Deity, you most often get an answer. 
And wanting to stay isn't an issue either.  Yes, it's comfortable, yes, it's nice here, but eventually, the mundane, physical world will pull you away from it.  Your body has functions that also need to be taken care of occasionally, and do you think your own consciousness will let you forget that you have to go to the bathroom?  Uhhh, no.

So where do you find the time to build this Utopia?  Well, it really already exists up there, waiting for you.  All you have to do is spend a few minutes here and there fleshing it out.  Spending time in your head.  Daydreaming about a favorite place to be.  You've already been there once or twice, haven't you?  Thought so.  And as far as finding time to meditate... well, there you have to either dedicate a time or a day to do this, or take a few minutes wherever you can find them throughout the week.  It's up to you.  Again, this is for you, not for anyone else.  So are you worth 15-30 minutes out of 24 hours?

The motivation and the meditation come from within.  And if that which you seek, you find not within, you shall never find it without.

Blessed be the dreamers~

Friday, January 22, 2010

S'now Panic... it's just a blizzard

The blizzard is coming, the blizzard is coming...
Those 4 words send a chill through many a heart, send people scurrying out to the stores to stock up on necessities, hurry people along, and make people look over their shoulders as though they could expect to see the storm looming on the horizon, inching ever nearer.

But this is North Dakota. The motto here is "You don't like the weather? Wait 5 minutes, it'll change." These storms come every year, and there are some times that I feel like I'm watching a video play over and over, with people doing the same things. The panic on their faces when they realize the storm is coming, the frantic movements in the stores as they shove things in their carts, and the short tempers when the lines don't move fast enough. As though 5 more minutes in line will cause them to never get home...

Don't think I'm always immune to all this going on around me, though. I went out last night and bought a few things to tide us over for the weekend. Toilet paper, milk, pizzas... you know, the necessities. But I'm ok with a storm coming. Really, as long as it's going to be over the weekend when I don't have to worry about my kids being on their way to or from school, I don't have to go to work, and my husband's 4-wheel drive is ready to go in case of emergencies, I'm good with being on weekend lockdown. It's really ok to spend a couple of days home with the kids, huddled in front of the window, watching the storm whistle past.

The kids and I go into "stormy weather" mode. This means snacky-foods, movies playing all day, and snuggling under blankets in the living room, giggling over whose feet are the coldest.

We bring the dogs into the room with us, and wrestle with them and with each other, sending the dogs into a frenzy, cause they don't know who to be mad at, or even if they should be mad.

And when night falls, and everything hushes, the children are in bed, my husband is sleeping, the dogs are quiet, and I am content. It's been a good day. Everyone is safe, and I can hear the hush settle around me like a blanket. It is warm, soft and comforting.

So let the blizzard come. I am ready.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Faith vs. Logic

How do you know whether something is real or not? Do you have to see it, touch it, smell it, hear it, taste it? Are the 5 senses the only way to know something is real or not? And what separates fact from opinion?

Irrefutable logic is that which you can use the 5 senses to verify. A mathematical problem that you can work out on paper, proving it one way or another. Finite... no wiggle room.

But faith and opinion go hand in hand. My opinion is that there is a Goddess and a God. That is also my faith. I have faith that everything in nature has both a feminine and a masculine. Deity does as well. This is my faith, and my opinion.

Not everyone shares this opinion, or this faith. I don't ask that they believe it, or feel the same. This is personal, just for me.

Faith is personal for everyone. No matter whether you attend a church, a mosque, a temple, or simply worship at an altar in your home or in the woods, your faith exists only in your heart and mind. And Noone can dictate to you what your faith will be. Because it exists only in your heart and mind, it is inviolate. People can talk all they want, but your heart and mind know what they know.

Faith is taking that blind leap, knowing, all the way to your toes, that you will be caught before you hit.  You can't prove it, you can't even explain it really.  Explanations continually slide off to the side, into opinion, before they finally disappear into shoulder shrugs and someone simply saying "I know what I know."  You can't argue away faith, you can't reason with it, and you certainly can't scream it down.  Science doesn't negate it, nor does mathematics or any of the other "logic" schools. 

So, faith vs. logic... do they have to be mutually exclusive?  Can they ever work together?  I don't think so.  You can prove things up to a certain point, especially things like religion.  But once you get past history and science, you have to take the rest..... on faith.